Americana Cove

Our Sympathy To The Frost-bit Snowbirds!

May 31, 2003

JUNE PRAYER-

Almighty and Most Merciful God, we thank you for the changes in seasons. Forgive us when we complain that it is too hot or too cold. Without the changes we would gripe also. We thank you for the rain, the sunshine and clouds. The beauty of your creation surrounds us yet we take it for granted, even as we expect the sun to rise every morning. Help us to be aware of all of it and give thanks daily.
The Orthodox Church celebrates two Holy Days this month, i.e. Ascension on the 5th and Pentecost on the 15th. Let us remember them on these days.
Our Jewish brethren celebrate Shavuot on the 6th and 7th. They too should be remembered.
All of us celebrate Father's Day on the 15th. Give the Dads a special blessing on this day, Lord. We all had one and they blessed us in their own way.
We ask Your blessing on all who are still in the park. Also on those who have left for their northern homes. Bless those too who are traveling or have moved recently to be near loved ones who can care for them. We will miss them. Finally God, may we live our lives with such love and compassion for others that they will know your love through us.
Amen.
John Whittredge Hill, Chaplain


MAROA NEWS
Paul Mattina, President

The May Board/Shareholders meeting was the last of this season. Though there will be no formal meetings until September, be assured that the Board, as well as its committees, will continue to operate throughout the summer. The business of our Association does not end during the summer hiatus, and those of us remaining in the Park over the next few months will continue to work with those who have left via e-mail, snail mail and telephone. There are still many loose ends and issues to be resolved, as well as work to be done. While there will be no formal meetings, the Board may still need to meet from time to time. If so, the required notice and agenda will be posted for each meeting. We have a new sign which will be used to announce the day, date and time of the meeting. This sign will be set up on Americana Drive, facing the entrance; in the same place the pancake breakfast sign is placed.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank the many people who have made the start of this year so full of promise of successful programs to come. We have instituted new committees comprised of directors and shareholders, all of whom have had numerous meetings and are preparing reports and recommendations to the Board as to actions we might take to make the needed improvements to the Park. I would like to offer my sincere thanks to all who are participating and giving of their time and effort. Without you, we would make no progress at all.
I would also like to thank the many shareholders who have paid the recently imposed assessment in full. As you know, this assessment was to be applied over a seven-month period, beginning June first. In response to our request, many more shareholders than expected have already paid in full, which will be a great help in meeting our contractual obligations. We want to thank you and let you know how much we appreciate your cooperation.
On behalf of the Board, let me wish you a safe and enjoyable summer.

MISSION STATEMENTS ADOPTED

At the Board of Directors meeting on the evening of May 21st, several motions were brought up for a vote and approved unanimously. Among them were two Mission Statements as follows:

Mission Statement for the Association: "Mobel Americana is a 55+ community dedicated to maintaining and enhancing a quality lifestyle in an active, safe, caring, financially secure and harmonious environment."

Mission Statement for the Planning Committee: "To provide a vision for the short and long term future of Mobel Americana and the path to achieve that vision which will preserve and enhance the investment and quality of life of its residents within the limits of fiscal responsibility."


FROM THE MANAGER ?– Dawn Simmons
SMOKING:
We are asking cooperation from our residents and guests who use the swimming pool and smoke.
Could you confine yourself to a table and use the ash trays provided?
We recently have had some complaints in regard to smoking habits from people using the pool facility. Cigars and cigarette ashes are being flicked on the deck and 4 or 5 people are all smoking in a group sitting next to "Non Smokers".
Maybe we have to confine smokers to a "Smoking Corner" so non smokers are not inhaling second hand smoke.

REMINDER FOR HURRICANE SEASON:
The Clubhouse is not a shelter. Our designated shelter is located at 901 34th St. South at the Pinellas Tech. Center.
If however you are evacuating, the route is 4th Street to Gandy Blvd. to Crosstown Expressway. Anyone needing transportation to the shelter should already be signed up with the City of St. Petersburg for a ride to the shelter.
Anyone bedridden or handicapped needs to make arrangements with their doctor for hospital placement, prior to the storm.

PAYMENT:
Shareholders who included the $55.12 payment with their May Coop Fee will have their final payment due in Nov. instead of December.

TRANSPORTATION:
Since the Van Service has been cancelled, we have had a lot of chatter as to how our five residents will get to the store or bank.
Well a Good Samaritan named Rita Lewis has volunteered to help these five residents use the bus service just outside the gate. Her telephone number is 527-0693. She shared with me how good everyone in Mobel Americana has been to her and she would like to give back through her help with the bus service.

SEAWALL:
Now that the seawall is near completion I would like to thank everyone that it effected for their patience and understanding.
I did a Park Inspection from the water a few weeks ago and I must tell you it looks like a different place from the water. Some residents have some yard work, dock or deck restoration yet to do but beyond that, what a beautiful difference it makes.
For any resident who does not own a boat, whenever free boat rides are offered be sure to treat yourself and jump aboard.
You are so blessed to have such a beautiful property.

SALES AND MARKETING:
Now that the Model Home on Americana Dr. is near completion, we would like to share some promotion specials with you.
Any resident referring a non resident to purchase a new home on a vacant lot will receive a $500 reward the day of closing.
Any non resident who purchases a new home on a vacant lot will receive six (6)
months free lot rent from day of closing.
We hope this will encourage you to excite your friends or relatives to become a resident here in beautiful Mobel Americana.


WELCOME NEW RESIDENTS
By Frances McVay

BIRTCHER, Dina M. (OH)
6816 Mt. Pleasant Road
Previously Beach

CAMPBELL, James & LouVerne
6706 Mt. Pleasant Road 525-8414
Previously Copeland

CHERRY, Carol A.
7133 Mt. DeLeon Road 526-1038
Previously Chamberlain

COURTNEY, Charles D. (IN)
7299 Mt. Piney Road
Previously Berdeen

DACUS, Kerry L. (KY)
352 Mt. Richmond Avenue
Previously Smith

DASILVA, Robert & Maureen (MA)
7052 Mt. Hawthorne Road
Previously Morrison

DAVIS, Mary
235 Mt. Piney Avenue
Previously Cosentino

EBERT, Gary & Joanne (MI)
661 Mt. Piney Avenue
Previously Haring

GAMACHE, Richard & Patricia (NH)
6850 Mt. Orange Drive
Previously Dye

HANSEN, Charles & Teresa
7100 Mt. Arlington Drive
Previously Burroughs Estate

HERES, William R.
7117 Mt. Bristol Road
Previously Bottoms

KIRKPATRICK, Kathleen
6827 Americana Drive
Previously M/A Used

LEGRAND, Roy & Roberta (IL)
323 Mt. Richmond Avenue
Previously Meacham

OSMAN, Joseph & Catherine (NY)
7165 Mt. Georgetown Drive
Previously Evans Estate

ST. JOHN, Timothy
7326 Americana Drive
Previously Dreutzer


SUNSHINE REPORT JUNE 2003
PEGGY HUBRICH

Deaths;
Hilda Tschopp
Sarah Linneman

Hospitals
Esther Louzon Gulf Coast Hospital, Fort Myers


NURSING HOMES;

Margaret Hungerford Shore Acres
Mitzi Delzell Shore Acres
Bob Evans Carrington Acres
George Campbell Park Place
Bob Ortel Carrington Place

BIRTHDAYS
02 George Cantos
03 Theresa Volk
06 Norm Sikorski
08 Leo LaForce
15 Eileen Latendresse
Linda Myers
16 Edna Bolin
Marcia Fay
17 Gerri Bassett
21 Alice Beaulieu
Doris Bolesta
26 John Layner
27 Leni Lambert
28 Evelyn Dinsmore
29 Ellie Oliviera

ANNIVERSARIES;
01 Connie and Paul Mattina
08 Grace and Hugh Roberts 68 years
12 Eiko and Edwin Nos 45 years
13 Millie and Jim Dye 46 years
14 Mary Ann and Drew Fairlie 51 years
Evelyn and John Dusza 56 years
15 Mary and Bill Gilfillan 56 years
17 Anne and Bill Kocher 53 years
19 Mary and Cal St. Sauver 10 years
20 Midge and Orrie Bull 55 years
21 Dotty and Gerry Kirby 45 years

At the last Old Timers Luncheon, which was held on May 28th, we sang Happy Birthday to all with a summer Birthday. You see, we are always thinking of you!


MOBEL NOTES
By Ken Hopkins

THE NEW BOARD
One of the perks of writing a column each month for the Forecaster is that I get to say pretty much whatever is on my mind. Sure, my editor John Bassett shoots me down from time to time and I can't swear as much as I'd like (well, really I can't swear at all), but I have been able to express my opinion on a variety of topics that affect our community. In that context, I would like to publicly praise our Board for their openness, imagination, hard work, and courage. It is a refreshing change to see the Board openly solicit input and participation from the shareholders. Our Town Hall meetings offer a dramatic improvement in our ability to express our concerns to the Board. The new committees represent the perfect blend of Board leadership and shareholder participation (see my column for March of this year). The recent $385 assessment was painful to us all but a clear decision to bravely face our fiscal responsibility. We clearly have a Board of talented, knowledgeable individuals who genuinely care for our community. I, for one, am grateful.

NEW PLAQUE
If you haven't already done so, stop in the Atrium and check out the new plaque which honors the original shareholders who had the bravery and vision to purchase our community in 1994. A handsome tribute to the people who made our current lifestyle possible.
Town Hall Meeting - Since many of you were away for the May Town Hall meeting I thought I would give you a brief recap of topics covered. The next Town Hall meeting will be in September. Paul Mattina said the Board is considering alternating Town Hall and regular Board meetings. The Board said the Financial and Planning committees were going strong and a new Policy and Procedures committee is being formed. The Planning committee is working on a mission statement relative to Park aesthetics as well many other considerations. A group from the Board is currently meeting with our bank and CPA to discuss ways to address our current financial difficulties. Shareholders expressed concern about crime and vandalism and various ways of combating crime were discussed, including cameras, higher walls, barrier plants at the walls, and increased crime patrols. Another discussion about the seawall completion was held including more discussion of our financial situation due to the seawall project. It was agreed that the seawall project should be completed rather than postponed. Also discussed was the cessation of our bus service for residents due to under utilization. Some good news on the swimming pool; it appears that the damage may not be as severe as previously thought.

SPOTLIGHT ON YOUR NEIGHBOR
"We can accomplish a great deal as long as people's attitude is good." That was newly appointed Board Member George Milner's comment to me as we discussed his assignment as head of the recently convened Planning Committee. George and his Red Hat Lady wife, Barbara, hail from Doylestown, PA. George attended the Wharton school of business and graduated with a degree in insurance and a strong emphasis on economics (boy, can we use some of that now!). After many years as an insurance investigator, and later manager of a shopping center, George and Barbara purchased a campground in PA. which they managed until retirement. George has been here since 1997 but still returns to his home in Doylestown for a cool summer. George enjoys an occasional golf game and loves to travel. He has a background in administration and was president of the Pennsylvania Campground Association as well as various offices in his condo co-op at home. George believes strongly in a 3 to 5 year plan for our community and will be working actively with his committee on preparing a suitable plan for shareholder approval in the fall.

HURRICANE EVACUATION
For those of you not lucky enough to summer in Wisconsin like we do, here's a little useful information for your summer. ALL mobile home residents (that's all of us) live in a MANDATORY level 'A' evacuation zone. That means in case of an evacuation order for our area, it will automatically apply to Mobel Americana. I called the Pinellas County Office of Emergency Management today and asked them where our closest shelter would be located. Keep in mind that no place on the grounds of Mobel Americana would be considered suitable as a shelter. The gentlemen explained that they have several possible shelter locations pre-arranged; however, they could not say until an actual emergency, which ones they would use. He suggested that we check with them at 727-464-3800, watch channel 18 (their official channel), or check with the Red Cross. TV news and the radio will also carry that information. Hurricane season in Florida runs from June through November. Although it has been over 80 years since St. Pete's last hurricane, it is always good to know ahead of time what to do.

40 FOOT TRAILERS
In a triumph of common sense, our manager has advised that she will be taking down the white sign at the gatehouse announcing, "No trucks permitted larger than 40 feet." Several residents including Beck and myself, felt that our gate guards could do a perfectly adequate job of defending us from the ravages of 40 foot trucks without the need for a sign.
Thanks, Dawn.

NAKED MEN
Well, yes, there were some that objected to my April article entitled, "Beautify the Park". It seems that some of our residents disagree with my view that our men should put on a shirt before riding around the Park. John Layner is one who objected and requested that we post his letter. To that end, here are excerpts from John's letter.

"Our words have such unbelievable power. We can use words to literally put people down or we can literally lift up people with words of encouragement. I reread this portion again trying to figure out what he was driving at. Was the issue being naked from the waist up or was the issue the 240 lbs. Time and again I have seen couples, families, whomever, walking to the pool for a swim and yes, some men carry a towel in one hand and are naked from the waist up. Any other approach to what you consider a problem could be better. Sure would be nice to have you send a letter of apology to a wonderful person. Life has taught me that most situations require no more than common sense. I was taught long ago, when it comes to writing, never use a poisoned pen. P.S. If you cannot locate that special guy, call me."

Thanks for your letter, John. I heartily support your right to disagree with my viewpoint but I stand by my comments that it is a show of respect for themselves and the rest of us by putting on a shirt when in public. And no, there is no special guy that I was discussing. If there had only been one I would not have seen a reason to write. There are several men in this community who ride around on their bikes, go for a walk, or fish at our fishing pier without a shirt. In fact, going to the pool was not even included in my thinking. You might expect careless dress in a campground but not here. You won't find it on a golf course. You won't find it in a public shopping mall. You won't find it in a restaurant. So, why should we accept it here?

SUGGESTIONS WELCOME
Have some news from your club or group? Have an idea that you'd like to express in this column? Want your chance to be heard? We are in Wisconsin for our summer vacation so call our cell phone at 727-804-5496 or email me at hopken@mindspring.com.


THE SEAWALL TO MAY, 2003
By John Bassett

As many of you know, if not all shareholders, there has recently been an emergency assessment against each shareholder of $385.86 to cover cost overruns, or depending on whom you listen to, budget under funding of the seawall project.
Based on information I have received from very reliable sources and from information provided at the last Town Hall meeting on May 2, 2003, I have determined that the following information is a reasonable history of this project.
As you will recall, in the recent past, when the extent of the seawall problem became a matter of concern, the previous Board, with the consent of the shareholders, applied for and received a refinancing of our Bank mortgage loan which included an increase of $1.8 million to cover the full costs of replacing all previously unreplaced seawall. And as most of you know several sections have been renewed in the last four or five years, either due to collapse or imminent collapse.
The Bank, as a condition of refinancing the mortgage at a lower interest rate, and to provide the seawall financing, extracted a swap fee, (this is a banking loan arrangement which in the right circumstances allows for a better interest rate than might be obtained through a fixed loan rate) as I understand it, of approximately $380,000.00. In addition to this fee the Bank also needed to collect $98,000.00 in closing costs.
The net amount of the check that the then current Board expected to receive was in the neighborhood of $1.42 million. ($1.8 minus $380,000.00)
The seawall project as negotiated by our Board of Directors with the seawall contractor, was estimated to comprise at least 6800 linear feet of seawall at a cost of $180.00 per linear foot. The Board however, in order to cover contingencies, allowed for a 15% increase in possible seawall replacement costs, mostly for replacement landscaping, as this was not specifically provided for in the contract, and also did not include any recently replaced seawall in the budgeted amount. The total cost estimate therefore, including reestablishing the landscaping, came to approximately $1.40 million. In other words the net loan amount of $1.42 million equated very closely to the maximum estimated cost of the seawall rebuilding/replacement needing to be done.
The first problem that arose was that the Bank of America, despite the Board's understanding that the closing costs of $98,000.00 were to be collected in annual installments until paid, deducted the total amount from the settlement check. This immediately left the seawall project short of about $98,000.00 to pay for the project.
Secondly the maximum amount of seawall that needed doing turned out to be much closer to 7800 linear feet, the maximum allowed for in the contract, thus wiping out any contingency allowance.
Thirdly, some 240 plus linear feet of seawall, that had been recently replaced in the last four or five years, and which had not been calculated into the seawall contract, was redone, at an additional cost of over $43,000.00. It was considered expedient to do this, as this previously replaced seawall was built to a lower height than the current replacement program, and was leading to drainage water run off problems, and probably to an earlier deterioration of this part of the seawall if not corrected.
This amount of about $130,000.00 comprises most of the under funding- over expending that led to the emergency assessment levied against the shareholders.
I must say that the seawall looks much nicer with the entire seawall looking alike. And it is nice to know that through the efforts of past and current directors we have a new seawall, and can put this concern to rest for many years to come.
Whatever the reasons for the shortage of funds, the Board was not aware of the situation at budget preparation time. Therefore there was a need to act quickly to prevent a possible serious financial situation from getting worse.
Similar to Ken Hopkins comments in this issue, I am encouraged by the Board's actions to date to put the community on a more business like basis. I can only hope that budgeting controls and a procedure to control spending authorities of large contracts will be put in place, if not already in force.


MOTHER'S PURSE
By Richard H. Fay

A mother's purse is a magical thing,
Holding hankies for young drippy noses;
And little candies and sticks of gum,
Plus coloring for photo poses.

Pictures of children, great and grand,
And keys for home's back and front door;
Notes for meetings or appointments,
You think I'm done but, there's more

Directions on how to get to Uncle Jim's,
A checkbook and jingling change;
A wallet with license and other cards,
No one's ID carries greater range.

Can I have a stick of gum, Mom?
How about a lifesaver, too;
And how about a little kiss;
For a love that's old but always new.


NOTICES
Forecaster Deadlines
All items and other information for the Forecaster may be placed in the box just inside the entry doors to the Atrium. All items to be in the original type, no photocopies please, in BLACK INK on full size 8 1/2 by 11 white paper. Deadline for July for all articles, the 19th of June. Font size is number eleven.
Calendar Deadline for entries will be the 17th of each month.

Monthly Bridge Lunch-It will be on June 18th. All Bridge players are welcome to come and enjoy some fellowship with their friends and neighbors.

Forecaster Submissions: It is my intention to commence the compilation of the Forecaster by electronic means. I have noted that practically all submissions I now receive are prepared on a computer, and I am assuming that most of you, if not all that use a computer, have email service.
I would therefore request that starting with the August issue you send me your submissions by email attachment, as well as placing a hard copy in the Forecaster box in the Atrium. This will enable me to find out where the problems are, and together we can work on resolving them. A word of warning ?– if you do not have a virus correction program continue to place your submission in the Forecaster box.
To those who do not have email access please continue to submit as you do presently. I have a scanner that can now convert the printed word into a computer file.
Presently a lot of paper is used in preparing the Forecaster and there does not seem to be any good reason for continuing to use paper unnecessarily.
A few of you presently submit your articles by electronic means and I appreciate your foresight.
I will publish the email address in the July issue. Incidentally if anyone is interested in becoming the Editor, the position is still available to the right person.

Thank you From the Helson Family Lenore and her family wish to thank all of you, who telephoned, sent cards or wrote letters with respect to the recent loss of her husband of many years, Vernon Helson. She wishes all her friends at Mobel Americana well and hopes to see you all again this Fall.

From Dorothy Kolb
a) Bingo
We will continue to have Bingo all summer on Fridays, except the 4th of July. It will be held on Thursday the 3rd instead.

b) Friday July 4th we will have dinner at 5pm. Entertainment at 5:45pm in the Hall. Watch the bulletin boards for details of the menu and the cost.


FRIENDS OF THE LIBRARY
By Nora Adell Andrews

(A visitor, who has left the following, will be writing the column for the summer.)
Hi, I'm Billy the Bookworm and enjoying this nice corner of "Mobel Americana Clubhouse". I think I will enjoy visiting all these books this summer! There are rows of romance books, adventure books, and mystery books. When I get done perusing them I can relax over in the large print section and the 'non-fiction'. Oh my, here I see rows of 'self-helps', not that a bookworm ever needs that!
I like looking at the travel books also and planning where I might go next! I am only here for the summer, to relax and often to overhear many conversations. I stay hidden. Some people just wouldn't understand us bookworms!
Just the other day I heard Kay Jones telling how she reads everyday (like me!) and reads about lots of different subjects (like me too!). She said she likes to" read good news stories, not bad news ones "We have the power not to read terrible stories"
Mary Lou Priestley was saying that "We have a wonderful library and I enjoy best a good mystery. There are lots in our library, like Pat Cornwell?”.
Sounds good to me, too. Well, I must close now until next month when I will let you know some more news about the happenings in The Library.
Signed,
Good reading,
Billy the Bookworm


HERB TALK
By Joseph M. Gerhard

This story is based on personal experience, so I'll use the perpendicular pronoun frequently.
I grew up on a cattle ranch in deep South Texas and helped my father and brother operate the business. In addition to raising livestock, about 200 acres were cultivated. So I learned about corn, small grains, and truck gardens. But, I learned nothing about growing fresh herbs. Nada. Zilch. However, many years ago in a number of places I began to grow and use a variety of fresh herbs. Included were parsley, mint, dill, cilantro, thyme, rosemary, oregano, basil, and catnip. The mint and catnip make good tea, if any of you grow catnip and have a pet feline, as do I, best not grow the herb inside your abode. But you know that. By the way, mints make a good ground cover because their root systems spread outwards under group and send up new plants.
Still with me? What does the above have to do with this community and its residents? Well, what I have found is that nearby neighbors are curious about the herbs and look at them. However, when I say to them that they may pick what they want, I've had only one taker. My conclusion as to why folks don't harvest the freebies is that very few cooks hereabout use fresh herbs. On the other hand, maybe a lot of you do grow or buy fresh herbs and put those in the pot. I read recently that dried herbs are only about one-fourth as potent as the fresh ones.


TODAY'S USELESS FACT:
What should you do if a bat gets in the house?
By C. Claiborne Ray

Relax and enjoy it might be the best advice. A one-ounce brown bat, the kind most likely to show up in a North American house, is capable of eating five hundred mosquito-sized insects an hour all night, but is virtually incapable of doing any harm to a human being. Its only defenses are tiny teeth and a fierce appearance. A frightened bat makes a chirping sound and tries to look ferocious.
If you feel that you must try to get rid of it, turn on the lights; bats have very good vision, and the extra light will help it find the way out. Close off the room from the rest of the house and open windows or doors to the outside, then stand against the wall, out of the bat's flight path. Chances are the bat will leave if it is there by mistake.
On the other hand, bats may choose your house because it is a likely hunting ground, in which case it would be wise to let them stay. They are only there because there is enough food to feed them. Besides mosquitoes, bats like Japanese beetles, gypsy moths and other night-flying insects, especially the ones that vex gardeners.
Bats are also site - faithful, which is why artificial bat roosts may or may not attract them. They prefer places with vertical temperature gradients, like chimneys, attics and shutters.


MOBEL AMERICANA'S "GOLDEN GATE"
By A. J. Kelleher

They come from near and they come from afar.
Just to be where we are.
They come alone or with a Mate
To Mobel Americana's "Golden Gate"

Fun in the sun just for one,

Or maybe two before you're through.

With all of the activities you can't go wrong,
Live the Golden Years with a Song.

The friendly, smiling guards at the Gate,

Take-care of our safety and' our fate.

They are there morning, noon and night.

Making sure everything is all-right,

The exercising girls enhance the pool,

A wiggle here and a wiggle there, that's cool.
Maybe a little gossip is discussed too,
It's all in the game of each one's view.

The new clubhouse is magnificent to see,

And its all there for you and for me.

Play some cards and some bingo too,

Good-luck in whatever you do.

The Seasons come and the Seasons go,

They fade- away like the melting snow.

We still get orders and rules from everywhere,

But it is good to get us out of our chair,

The trips, the rides and the cruises,

Eclipses many but not all of our bruises,

The lifestyle in the park helps us sup,

The grandeur of our ever over- flowing cup.

Outside, in the land of milk and honey,

It's full of crime, greed and funny-money.

But there is no crime, greed or hate,

Once you're inside, Mobel Americana's "Golden Gate':


The following two articles are not necessarily the opinion of the Editor.

IT MUST BE EASY TO BE A MAN
Submitted by Lucy Laberge

Your last name stays put,
The garage is all yours,
Wedding plans take care of themselves,
Chocolate is just another snack,
Car mechanics tell you the truth,
You don't care if someone notices your new haircut,
You never have to drive to another gas station because "This one's just too icky,"
Same work, more pay,
Wrinkles add character,
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them,
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet,
You know stuff about tanks,
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase,
You can open all your own jars,
You can leave the motel bed unmade,
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness,
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend,
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack,
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough,
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking:
"He must be mad at me?”,
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends,
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt,
You almost never have strap problems in public,
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes,
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades,
You don't have to shave below your neck,
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons,
You can do your nails with a pocketknife,
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache,
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

ITS TOUGH BEING A MAN
Submitted by Lucy Laberge

It's tough being a man.
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.
If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your bun
and find something better.
If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.
If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.
If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.
If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.
If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic.
If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.
If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.
If you're proud of your achievements, you're full of yourself.
If you don't, you're not ambitious.
If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.
If you want it too often, you're oversexed.
If you don't, there must be someone else.
NO WONDER MEN DIE BEFORE WOMEN
THEY WANT TO!


NEIGHBORHOOD CRIME WATCH UPDATE
BY Barbara Magada

The next Crime Watch/Crime Prevention/Crime Patrol Meeting will be in the Clubhouse at 1:30PM on Friday June 13, 2003.
Speaker will be S.P.P.D. Chief of Police Charles "Chuck" Harmon
Refreshments available as usual. Please be sure to bring a couple of friends or neighbors. LET'S FILL THE CLUBHOUSE!
Give our Chief Of Police a BIG Warm Welcome!
Coordinators,
Barb Magada, Esther Louzon & Jim Chase


POTPOURRI
From the Editor's desk (additional contributions from Gerri Bassett, Lucy Laberge)
Thought - Humor is the shock absorber of life.

Word Definitions - Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.
(Ed. note: don't bother writing, I only print 'em, I don't write them)

Words to Live By - If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.

Things to Think About - that to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

Truths - The only way to get home on time is to take the day off.

Old Age - Old is when you are cautioned by the doctor to slow down instead of by the police, or when 'getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.

For the ladies I ran into a co-worker yesterday. He had been out for a few days with the flu. I asked him how he was feeling. "I'm better thanks. You know, it was a wonderful experience." He replied. "Wonderful? How can the flu be wonderful?" I asked in stunned disbelief "Well, I learned that my wife really loves me. You know that whenever the mailman came by or a delivery man headed toward the door, my wife ran out to meet them? I could hear her excitedly saying ?“My husband is home."

Humor- In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone: " Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin". Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the old lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the lazy no-goods they were, they thought the inscription to be far too long. They simply wrote, " Returned Unopened".

Why don't we give a proper name to the lake (?) behind the Atrium? Any suggestions? I'll print any you send in, clean ones that is.

Noted on the menu at a neighborhood restaurant recently "Navy Been Soup". I wanted some but it had 'been' and gone.


DEAR CRAFTERS by Annette Solomon
WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Remember when our Crafters Club was named Needlecrafters? Needlecrafting means using a needle of all sorts to make crafts. We used Sewing needles, tapestry needles, knitting needles, crochet hooks, etc. All fine skills and techniques. But needlecrafting was somewhat frightening for some ladies who did not have these talents and learning was such a chore so we changed the name to Crafters. This change has been almost miraculous! It has encouraged other crafty ladies to join us and fun projects were introduced. A fine lady, Beck Hopkins, has been a great influence and a great inspiration to us crafters. You could say "she woke us up" with her vitality. In the past few months, we have made decoupage plates, floozies, soap and towel sachets, candy filled mugs, shell creations, small gift boxes & bags, to name a few.
During the summer months, Rosemary Kegebein, another clever lady, will be the teacher of new ideas. Please join her on Monday from 6 to 9 pm and on Thursday from 9 to 11 am.
NOTE WELL: Crafting with needles is still our main purpose and function. Lessons in crochet, knitting, counted Cross Stitch, embroidery, and plastic work are available at every gathering. Please let me know if you are interested in learning these skills. Teachers are on hand and most supplies and lessons are FREE. The Crafters will be busy during the next months making exciting items to display at the Craft Bazaar and at the Wednesday Craft Corner section for your shopping pleasure.
See you there.


IDIOTS ARE ALIVE AND WELL
Submitted by Rachel and John Stewart

This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone company. They promised to be out between 8:00 am and 7 p.m. When asked if they could give me a smaller window, the pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we come?" He also requested that we report future outages by E-mail. (Does your E-mail work without a telephone line?)
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary so that she could compare it with the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature with the one I had just signed on the receipt, as luck would have it, they matched.
We used to live in a semi-rural area, One day, a new neighbor called the local township office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore.
Our granddaughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco, she asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
We were at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, and "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which we replied, "If it were without our knowledge, how would we know?"
She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."
Back home, the stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's unsafe to cross the street. I was crossing with a coworker of mine when he asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, he responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys were locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" To which he replied, "I know-I already got that side."
Now don't you feel better when you're standing at the corner of WALK and DON'T WALK streets?


COMMUNITY NOTICES
There is located at the maintenance shed on Mount Piney Avenue an air pump which you may use to inflate your bicycle tires.

Newspapers and Magazine Recycling
All newspapers are to be placed in the newspaper bins. Please do not put brown paper or plastic bags in the newspaper bins. The bins are only for newspapers.

A magazine bin is located at the storage compound on Americana Drive. Please take all your magazines to this bin.

Aluminum Cans and Scrap Metal
Please put these out on Tuesdays only, or late Monday evening for very early Tuesday pick-up, or take to one of the Old-timers Aluminum sheds. Do not put in the garbage compactor. It is for household garbage only. As the sale of aluminum contributes money to our social activities, please take the effort to segregate the cans from the regular trash.

Yard Brush and Tree Trimmings
Place all yard brush and tree trimmings at the side of the road separate from the garbage for Monday morning pick-up and it will be collected. Place it in trash bags or plastic containers.

Do not put it with the regular garbage. This only increases the amount we must pay to have it hauled away.

Dumpster
The dumpster at the Mount Piney location is for the use of residents who have scrap materials from work that they themselves have done. It is not a dump for contractors who have been doing renovations or repairs to your property. These contractors have to remove any such materials from the community and dispose of it at their cost. All such material in our dumpster improperly adds to the Community's cost of removal.

Help the Park -Place your old phone books in the dumpster at the Mount Piney location. Do not place them in with the regular trash.

Kitchen Krewe Ice Machines To all residents and guests. Do not use ice from the kitchen supply for your personal home use. Use ice from the ice machine in the Mt. Piney Avenue laundry. Ice in the kitchen is required for activities in the Hall and Atrium. Additionally traffic through the kitchen area creates sanitary problems, which is unnecessary given that ice is readily available at the laundry.
Betty Chase -Kitchen Manager
5/19/03