Arizona Neighborhood Association

HUMOR ME: Let's Break The Ice

Aug 08, 2006

1. What is an unemployed doctor called? Doctor Doolittle. And how about his little boy? Well, you have a choice here: Little doo doo, or just little. He He. That was funny.

2. If "Con" is the opposite of "Pro", what is the opposite of progress? I won't answer that one. You already know.

3. What do you call clients who tell you how good you are to them? Clientele. Get it? Client telling you, "clientele", dahhh!

4. What is a hillbilly who drinks out of his cup too fast? Hickup! By the way, if any of these jokes stump you, and you need an explanation, don't come buggin me about it. Just sleep on it, or maybe ask the family dog.


5. Two old ladies talking. FIRST LADY (No, this ain't about Laura Bush! Snap out of it): I went to my HMO doctor today.
SECOND LADY: I think our doctor is an HMO, but Frank thinks he's straight (ROTF).

6. JOB: Like Mr. Wilson's orchid on "Dennis The Menice", a flower that opens up before your very eyes after a 40-year investment, for 10-seconds of splendor at retirement. Even 40-days is bad enough, like fasting for 40-days and 40-nights. Can you spell "s-t-a-r-v-a-t-i-o-n?"

7. What do you call a Mayor who just got done goring a bully? Well...How about Mayor Gor-done. Okay, smart ass, how about a Mayor who has his fill with criminals? Ummm...let me think... let me see...Hay! I'm working on it...Hold your horses...Okay, it's coming to me... I got it, I got it! Mayor Phil.

INTERMISSION: Get yourself some popcorn. Just don't make a mess while you're at it.

8. Okay, now that you're wide-eyed and bushy-tailed awake, here's a good one (good and LONG, that is). You know how lawyers and judges like to stretch things out, just to maximize their winnings (even if they are under the table).
Now do you know why it's so LONG? Here goes. If you fall asleep, I'll slap you silly:

At a divorce hearing, the judge asked the woman: What are the grounds? "Oh, about 40-acres with a nice little home and a nearby stream".

No, I mean, what is the foundation of the case? "It's made of concrete...brick and mortar".

Knock it off, lady! What are your relations like? "Well, I have an 'ont' an uncle here in town, and so does my husband, and there are also some...

Look lady! (judge turns a bright pink): What I'm trying to determine is whether you have a real grudge. "No, we only have a carport, but it's really quite adequate for the two of us".

Judge: Okay, I've had just about enough out of YOU, lady. I'm going to smack the nail right on the head (with my gavel, no less), and hold you in contempt. I'm giving you one last chance: Is there any infidelity in your marriage? "Well, um...let me see...um, both my son and my daughter have stereos, but we don't really like their music. So to answer you question directly, No. Is that a simple and direct enough answer, your Highness?

Judge, in total frustration: Lady, WHY do you want a divorce? "I don't! My husband does. He's got this dillusion that he can't communicate with me".



Of course, you can count on it that our communications in this Newsletter will be a little more forthcoming than that. If ever it's not, then just feel free to chuckle a little, and let it be. Sometimes, the editor might doze a little, along with his words, but I promise you he or she will NOT be drunk.

Everyone feel free to submit humor and any ideas you might have for this Newsletter on our Contact Page, and for this Website in general. If we like it ALOT, we'll post it.