Cactus Village Community

Tips for Handling Conflict . . . by CAO Karen Freund

Jul 19, 2003

?• Speak directly with the neighbor with whom you have a conflict. Direct conversation is more effective than sending a letter or complaining to someone else. It also lessens the possibility of damaging the relationship.

?• Choose a good time for all involved to talk. Try to talk in a quiet place where you will be comfortable interrupted for as long as needed.

?• Follow-up. Remember to get back in touch with one another at specific times in the future to be sure that the agreement is still working.

?• Plan in advance. Think carefully about what you are going to say ahead of time. Explain the problem clearly and how it affects you.

?• Don?’t blame or insult your neighbor. Upsetting the other person makes it more difficult for them to listen to you.

?• Provide information.
Don?’t judge or interpret the behavior of your neighbor. Instead, give information about your own situation and feelings and how his/her behavior affects you.

?• Listen. Give your neighbor the opportunity to fully explain the conflict from her/his perspective. Relax and listen: try to understand how that person feels.

?• Show that you?’re listening. Even though you may not be in agreement with what is being said, let your neighbor know that you are listening and that you are glad that you are working together to solve the problem.

?• Cover all the topics. Speak openly about all topics and feelings. Don?’t leave out the part that seems the most difficult to talk about.

?• Collaborate to find a solution together. Two or more people cooperating are much more efficient than one person telling another person to change. Be specific. ?“I will turn down the music volume by midnight is better than ?“I won't play the loud music again. . . ☻