Cactus Village Community

Tips for Parents - Talking to Children About War

Jul 10, 2003

?• Take time to think about, and cope with, your own feelings.
?• Help your children cope with their feelings by simultaneously acknowledging their feelings and reassuring them.
?• Don?’t try to talk them out of what they?’re feeling
?• Share your feelings with your children (depending on their ages), but be careful not to look to your children for support. Avoid extreme language when sharing your feelings / reactions.
?• Talk to children about constructive ways to handle their anger.
?• Let children know it?’s okay to ask questions. Answer their questions directly, but do not give them more information than they need or more than you think they can handle.
?• Try to balance the attention you give to the war and unfolding events with maintaining 'normal?’ activities and routines at home.
?• Monitor what your kids see and hear through the media to make sure you are comfortable with the messages they are receiving, based on their age, temperament, maturity level, etc.
?• Make sure your children eat well and get enough exercise and sleep.

Specific Tips for Each Age Group

Early Childhood
Even though very young toddlers may not know what is going on, they may pick up a parent?’s worry and anxiety with their ?‘sixth sense?’.

?• Try to stay calm around babies and toddlers.
?• Maintain normal routines as much as possible. Routines are reassuring for babies.
?• Shield babies and toddlers from media coverage as much as possible.

Preschoolers
Preschoolers will be more tuned to what is happening.
They may have questions about war, terrorism, death
and other topics.

?• Safety is a primary concern for this age group. Reassure them that adults are in charge and will keep them safe.
?• Preschoolers are also concerned about the safety of parents, relatives, and friends.
Reassure them. Let them know your whereabouts and keep your commitments.
?• Preschoolers are not always able to distinguish fantasy and reality. Limit media exposure.
?• Bedtimes are very important. Stones, books and tuck-ins are crucial.
?• Try to maintain your children?’s normal routines.
?• Give them lots of hugs and physical assurance.

Elementary School
School age children will be more aware of what is going
on. They have probably had discussions at school and with friends.
?• Children this age are also concerned about their own safety, as well as that of family and friends. Try to spend extra time together. This will provide extra reassurance.
?• As them if they have any questions. If they do, tell them what you know without exaggerating or overreacting.
?• Don?’t be surprised if they are more irritable and touchy. Be extra patient.
?• Limit TV coverage.
?• Try to continue normal routines, especially at bedtime.
?• It is especially important to make sure children this age do not generalize their feelings of fear or anger toward innocent members of etimic or religious groups.

Middle School
Children this age will be very aware of what is going on. They will see many war images on TV and in magazines. They are probably discussing the war, terrorism, and related topics in school
?• Talk to your middle school children and answer any question. This will help you determine how much they know and may help you correct any misinformation they might have.
?• Acknowledge any feelings of fear, horror /anger.
?• Provide comfort and reassurance.
?• Children this age will be more interested in what might happen in the future. Share what you know without exaggeration. Don?’t burden them with fears that you might have.
?• Some children may act out scary feelings through misbehavior. Others may become more withdrawn. Pay attention to these cues and ask them to tell you about their feelings.
?• Use historical examples (e.g. Civil War, World War II, Etc.) to explain our country has been through very difficult times before to give them a sense of hope.

High School
High school students have probably had conversations with their peers and teachers. They might have very legitimate fears about what this will mean fur their immediate future.

Questions about the draft, military service,
foreign policy and the econom. repercussions
are all legitimate issues for this age group. It is important to discuss these topics with them.
?• Acknowledge any fear, sadness, and anger they may have.
?• Some teens may want to block out the whole thing. It may appear that they do not care. This often masks real fears and feelings of being overwhelmed.
?• It is normal for teens to stay focused on the events in their own life and may resist thinking or talking about the war. Encourage
conversation, but don?’t force it.
?• Some teens may make jokes. Humor can be a
way to help them cope, but discourage them
from humor that disregards the importance of
taking the tragedy seriously.
?• Some teens may be very interested in discussing the policy issues of different nationalities or ethnic backgrounds.

The above enclosure is the last part of an article ?“Talking with Children about War?”. It has been included in the hope that it may be of some help to our neighbors in dealing with this very difficult issue. Ed. . .☺