NAP- Neighborhood Alliance of Pawtucket

Stopping violence & Cyber Bullying with Non Violence &Tolerance

Compromise & Ophelia Project and TeachingTolerance.org shootings

Are 'Tact' and 'Compromise' Necessarily The Same Thing?
by Bob Burg

"Libertarian" (believer in Free Minds and Free Markets) that I
am, I write articles for a number of liberty-oriented
publications. Often, my articles not only concern a specific
point of liberty and its relevance and importance to our lives,
but also on (surprise, surprise) "how to best communicate a
liberty-minded message to others in such a way as to persuade,
as opposed to causing resistance."

Also, not surprisingly, I suggest using tact and kindness as a
key component of this type of persuasion.

After one recent article in which most of the responses were
very supportive, one person (yes, you know, that "one" person who
will always find the point of misinterpretation) suggested,
rather accusingly, that "The author" (that would be lil' ole'
moi)" obviously believes that we should compromise our
strongly-held beliefs and give in to others."

While, obviously, that's not what I suggested at all, I think
he brings up good a point that can be confusing and should be
answered. So, I thank him for helping me to clarify and better
communicate my thoughts. After all, when the writer (again,
yours truly) misses the target, it's not the target's fault.

Simply put; tact and kindness does not - in and of itself -
equate to compromise. While, of course, there is a time and
place to compromise, there are also times one should not; such
as when something is so principle-based that any type of
compromise would ruin or greatly harm it.

Example: Compromising on one's integrity.
Example: Compromising on one's marital fidelity.
Example: Compromising on fulfilling a promise to an employer or
employee
Example: Compromising on fulfilling a promise to a child or
friend.

Hey, even one tiny little drop of poison in a glass of
otherwise clean and pure water still ruins the water. Some
things just shouldn't be compromised.

Other things can and should be compromised. (As songwriter,
Henry Boye says, "The most important trip you may take in life
is meeting people halfway.")

Example: Compromising on a choice of restaurants.
Example: Compromising on a vacation destination.
Example: Compromising on a particular project task.
Example: Compromising on which movie to go to this weekend.

To sum it up . . . "if it ain't a hill worth dying on . . .
compromise is appropriate."

That list is probably a lot longer so we won't take up any more
space to list them here.

The point, however - and in answer to the gentleman who provided
the feedback to my article - is that we should never confuse
tact and kindness with compromise because the two are not
necessarily the same.

In fact, I would "argue" (with tact and kindness, of course) :-)
that the greater the need to persuade someone to your side of
an issue without compromise, the *greater* the need for
diplomacy.

Why? Well, it goes back to the basic premise of my book,
"Endless Referrals" - to what I call, "The Golden Rule of
Networking, which is, "All things being equal, people will do
business with, and refer business to, those people they know,
like and trust."

In this case, before they will buy into your idea, they must
first buy into you. It's only when they feel good about you;
when they feel as though they know you, they like you and they
trust you, that they will let down their defenses and make
themselves open to receiving your message; a message that
currently differs from their existing belief.

Do we accomplish that best through dogmatism and nastiness? Or
through tact, kindness, and a genuine feeling of good faith and
friendship? That's for each individual to decide; most of us would
probably agree with the latter.

No, some things should not be compromised, but we shouldn't
equate uncompromising on an idea or value with belligerence,
shouting, sarcasm, insults or any other negative behavior that
is more likely to keep someone "stuck in defending their position"
than in being willing to be open and change.



A Statement on the Tragedy at Virginia Tech

On April 16, 2007, our nation and every community in it witnessed a devastating and horrific tragedy on the campus of Virginia Tech. The thoughts and prayers of all the people involved in The Ophelia Project are with every member of the Virginia Tech community.

This time of grief, however, is being interrupted with unproductive finger pointing. Some people are blaming the gun lobby. Others say video games and movies. Still more people are avoiding the subject all together, placing blame wherever it’s convenient. In the wake of this tragedy, the last thing we need is to have is the same conversations we always have.

In just the last few days, we have been witness to not only the shootings at Virginia Tech, but also the fallout from indefensible comments by national shock jock Don Imus. Ours is a culture that clearly needs transformation. The Ophelia Project works toward transforming cultures everyday, cultivating safe social climates not just for the sake of communities, but for the sake of every person in every single community.

What does safe mean? It means community members are encouraged, respected and held accountable. But most of all, it means they are protected. When the safety of a single community is undermined, whether through physical violence or emotional torment, it affects us all.

Each of us is responsible for the culture we have created. Now we must ask ourselves, is this the world we want to claim as our own? If the answer is yes, then follow the routine. Simply blame the usual suspects. Have more of the same conversations. If the answer is no, then be the change you want to see. The Ophelia Project’s successes prove that the power is with those who want change. We can transform our world into one with a supportive and caring climate, and the moment to do so is now. Let’s seize it.



School Shootings in 2006:
Girls as Targets
How should educators and parents talk with youth about the apparent targeting of girls during the Bailey, Colo., and Nickel Mines, Penn., school shootings?

The ABCs of Service-Learning
As classrooms across the country prepare for Make a Difference Day on Oct. 28, Teaching Tolerance offers the following resources to help teachers and students turn a one-day event into a meaningful opportunity for social change.

Four ways to ensure service projects reduce stereotypes.

Student Ben Taylor reflects on his service in hurricane-ravaged New Orleans.

Educator Mary Cowhey reflects on service, stereotypes, students and self .

White Students: 'The Capacity For Connection'
In a special Q & A, educators Louise Derman-Sparks and Patricia G. Ramsey, authors of the newly released book, "What If All the Kids are White?," provide practical ideas on how to prepare white students for a multicultural world.

Latino Heritage Month: Dolores Huerta
Teaching Tolerance spoke with Mexican-American labor activist Dolores Huerta about the economic roots of immigration, organizing and workers' rights. Questions for classroom discussion are included.

Halloween and Stereotypes
This new activity, adaptable across grades, helps students look critically at the Halloween costumes marketed to them. In schools where Halloween is observed, the activity can be used to develop guidelines for acceptable holiday garb.

Teaching Tolerance With Current Events
In a new weekly service, Teaching Tolerance provides educators with collections of news headlines, complete with resources and discussion questions.

Facebook a Tool for Hate?; Immigrant Protest; DNA Testing Bridges Continents
Discuss it

Anti-Navajo Violence; Civil Rights Murder Case Re-Opened; A Strike in Detroit
Discuss it

Share your ideas.







We welcome your feedback.
You can reach us online

or by mail:
Teaching Tolerance
c/o Southern Poverty Law Center
400 Washington Ave.
Montgomery, AL 36104

Cyber Bullying Legislation - Lindsey Burke Act passed RIGL 16-21

Several states--including Washington, Oregon, and Rhode Island--are considering bills that would curb or outlaw "cyber bullying," in which students taunt or insult their peers on social-networking web sites or through instant messaging. But there is disagreement over how effective such legislation will be, or whether it can stand up to free-speech challenges.

February 23, 2007—Ryan Patrick Halligan was bullied for months online. Classmates sent the 13-year-old Essex Junction, Vt., boy instant messages calling him gay. He was threatened, taunted, and insulted incessantly by so-called "cyber bullies."
In 2003, Ryan killed himself.

"He just went into a deep spiral in eighth grade. He couldn't shake this rumor," said Ryan's father, John Halligan, who became a key proponent of a state law that forced Vermont schools to put anti-bullying rules in place. He's now pushing for a broader law to punish cyber bullying--often done at home after school--and wants every other state to enact laws expressly prohibiting it.

States from Oregon to Rhode Island are considering crackdowns to curb or outlaw the behavior, in which kids taunt or insult peers on social-networking web sites like MySpace or via instant messages. Still, there is some disagreement over how effective crackdowns will be and how to do it.

"The kids are forcing our hands to do something legislatively," said Rhode Island state Sen. John Tassoni, who introduced a bill to study cyber bullying and hopes to pass a cyber-bullying law by late 2007.

But others argue that legislation would be ineffective. George McDonough, an education coordinator with Rhode Island's Department of Education, concedes that the internet has become an "instant slam book" but questions whether laws can stem bad behavior.

"You can't legislate norms; you can only teach norms," he said.

The internet allows students to insult others in relative anonymity, and experts who study cyber bullying say it can be more damaging to victims than traditional forms of bullying, such as fist fights or classroom taunts.

Legislators and educators say there's a need for guidelines outlining how to punish cyber bullying. They say the behavior has gone unchecked for years, with few laws or policies on the books explaining how to treat it.

Cyber bullying is often limited to online insults about someone's physical appearance, friends, clothing, or sexuality. But some cyber bullies are more creative. In Washington state, a bully recently stole a girl's instant-messaging username and used it to send out insulting messages.

In New York, two high school boys were accused of operating an internet site that listed girls' "sexual secrets." Prosecutors decided not to charge the boys because of free-speech concerns.

What's successful for nonviolence in Pawtucket & Providence

http://www.projo.com/ri/pawtucket/content/NO_PAWTUCKET_NONVIOLENCE6_04-06-07_5S5595D.3600dd3.html
At Jenks, nonviolent resolution is fun

01:00 AM EDT on Friday, April 6, 2007

By John Castellucci

Journal Staff Writer

PAWTUCKET — The audience was pumped, eager to hear the rap music, poetry and songs that everyone knew would be the fun part of the program.

But first, a couple of questions.

“I’d like to know, first of all, what you think are the biggest causes of violence,” said Pam Steager, taking the stage in Jenks Junior High School.

“Peer pressure,” one student answered.

“People pushing you into it,” another student said.

“Personality,” someone else answered.

“Seeing your parents fight.”

The answers to that question and to the question that followed — “What do you think are the ways that we could be more nonviolent?” — pleased Steager, who is director of training for the Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence.

“Forty years ago this week was when Martin Luther King was shot,” she said, referring to the civil-rights leader who, before he was slain, applied the tactics of nonviolence to the struggle of black people for equality.

“It’s obvious, by us being here today, that even though he died 40 years ago, his work and his hope and his dream go on.”

Steager was followed to the auditorium stage by the half-dozen trainers who had worked with the students, teaching nonviolence, and by several of the street workers whom the institute deploys in Providence neighborhoods to mediate fights.

Several of the trainers said they had had the tables turned on them at Jenks.

“Every time I come to the school, I don’t think I am a teacher. I think I am a student and I learn from you,” one of the trainers, Patricia Taubin, said.

Then it was time for the performers: Devon Bullard and Emmanuel Mendez recited a poem by their classmate, Thalia Marquez-Perez. Lisa Zamarelli sang a pop tune, Crizabell Moreno recited a poem, Idio Cardoso rapped. The audience cheered.

But the loudest applause was reserved for Arnold Barbeiro, who gave a repeat performance of the rap song he had done earlier for the seventh grade.

The approximately 275 eighth graders who filled the auditorium were celebrating their completion of the five-week refresher course that the institute conducted at Jenks, the middle school across from McCoy Stadium.

This was the third straight year that the institute offered nonviolence training at Jenks, though the police say the students there aren’t prone to violence. School nurse Linda Mendonca instituted the program more as a preventative measure, than as a palliative, school principal Susan Pfeil said.

“I think this whole thing started out as response to what’s going on nationally,” Pfeil said Wednesday. “It wasn’t something particular or peculiar to Jenks. It was one of the ways we are building a school culture that is nurturing and safe.”

The nonviolence training was offered under a contract with the Pawtucket public school system. The money came from the school system one year, according to Mendonca. The other years, she said, it came from grants.

“I want to thank the school for allowing us back in,” Teny Gross, the institute’s executive director, said at the end of yesterday’s program.

“Not many schools understand that they need to do day-to-day training in nonviolence,” he said.


What works to stop violent crime


01:00 AM EDT on Monday, March 19, 2007


Andy Rosenzweig

THERE IS A PHENOMENON in Providence that deserves to be on the top of America’s crime-prevention agenda. Nationally, we lost over 16,000 people to violence last year and the prospects are looking bleak. A recent article by Kate Zernike in The New York Times — “Violent Crime in Cities Shows Sharp Surge, Reversing Trend” — tells how most cities in America are victim to dramatic increases in violent crime; especially murder, aggravated assault and robbery.

Providence is experiencing the opposite and the manifestation of that is evidenced in the economic, social and cultural health of the city.

There are two reasons for this. First is a police department that for four years has had the inspired leadership of one of America’s great police chiefs, supported by a reform mayor with the vision, wisdom and integrity to let the men and women of the department do their jobs without political interference.

The second reason is more subtle but perhaps just as important. In the article Ms. Zernike quoted Police Chief Chris Magnus, of Richmond, Calif., one of the many cities plagued by increases in murders and gun violence, “We seem to be dealing with a lot of people with zero conflict-resolution skills.” Policing in Richmond and many other cities is all about conflict-resolution. It is probably missing a key ingredient of Providence’s reduction in violent crime and violence — the Street Workers Program, led by Teny Gross.

Mr. Gross, a former Israeli soldier and a veteran of Boston’s Ten Point Coalition and the fabled Boston Miracle of the ’90s, leads a group of about one dozen committed and trained intervention specialists, all of whom are long-term residents of the city. These street workers respond to the scenes of violence almost as rapidly as the police and use their training in conflict-resolution and non-violence doctrine to ameliorate tensions and prevent retaliatory violence. Trained by Mr. Gross and others at the Center for the Study and Practice of Non-Violence, they consistently demonstrate courage and commitment that reaps benefits for the entire population of Providence.

Late in her article Ms. Zernike quotes Mayor Robert Duffy, of Rochester, N.Y., who previously served as chief of police for seven years. Mr. Duffy says with what seems to be a tone of lament, “We’re doing all the right things consistently, but we have not seen relief. It takes much more than law enforcement.”

As a 40-year veteran of policing in New York City, Providence, Hartford, and as an adviser and consultant in other cities, I’ve seen many dedicated leaders like Mayor Duffy and Chief Magnus frustrated by great efforts on the part of the police that too often seem destined to fail. Without the type of partnerships that have been developed and nurtured in Providence over the last four years, cities will not be able to do much about the seemingly intractable problems of youth and gun violence.

The residents and business community of Providence should be grateful and proud to have leaders like Mayor David Cicilline, Dean Esserman and Teny Gross; and the great police officers and street workers who are keeping the city safe.

Andrew Rosenzweig, who lives in Newport, is a retired assistant police chief of Providence.

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Tolerance Ideas
Institute for Study and Practive of NonViolence
Pawtucket Celebrations
Jenks Jr High-4/5/07
Teen Dating Policy Guide to Preventing Violence