NAP- Neighborhood Alliance of Pawtucket

Anger, Bullying and Youth Violence

Tips and Resources and Note Crime Victims Week

Are 'Tact' and 'Compromise' Necessarily The Same Thing?
by Bob Burg

"Libertarian" (believer in Free Minds and Free Markets) that I
am, I write articles for a number of liberty-oriented
publications. Often, my articles not only concern a specific
point of liberty and its relevance and importance to our lives,
but also on (surprise, surprise) "how to best communicate a
liberty-minded message to others in such a way as to persuade,
as opposed to causing resistance."

Also, not surprisingly, I suggest using tact and kindness as a
key component of this type of persuasion.

After one recent article in which most of the responses were
very supportive, one person (yes, you know, that "one" person who
will always find the point of misinterpretation) suggested,
rather accusingly, that "The author" (that would be lil' ole'
moi)" obviously believes that we should compromise our
strongly-held beliefs and give in to others."

While, obviously, that's not what I suggested at all, I think
he brings up good a point that can be confusing and should be
answered. So, I thank him for helping me to clarify and better
communicate my thoughts. After all, when the writer (again,
yours truly) misses the target, it's not the target's fault.

Simply put; tact and kindness does not - in and of itself -
equate to compromise. While, of course, there is a time and
place to compromise, there are also times one should not; such
as when something is so principle-based that any type of
compromise would ruin or greatly harm it.

Example: Compromising on one's integrity.
Example: Compromising on one's marital fidelity.
Example: Compromising on fulfilling a promise to an employer or
employee
Example: Compromising on fulfilling a promise to a child or
friend.

Hey, even one tiny little drop of poison in a glass of
otherwise clean and pure water still ruins the water. Some
things just shouldn't be compromised.

Other things can and should be compromised. (As songwriter,
Henry Boye says, "The most important trip you may take in life
is meeting people halfway.")

Example: Compromising on a choice of restaurants.
Example: Compromising on a vacation destination.
Example: Compromising on a particular project task.
Example: Compromising on which movie to go to this weekend.

To sum it up . . . "if it ain't a hill worth dying on . . .
compromise is appropriate."

That list is probably a lot longer so we won't take up any more
space to list them here.

The point, however - and in answer to the gentleman who provided
the feedback to my article - is that we should never confuse
tact and kindness with compromise because the two are not
necessarily the same.

In fact, I would "argue" (with tact and kindness, of course) :-)
that the greater the need to persuade someone to your side of
an issue without compromise, the *greater* the need for
diplomacy.

Why? Well, it goes back to the basic premise of my book,
"Endless Referrals" - to what I call, "The Golden Rule of
Networking, which is, "All things being equal, people will do
business with, and refer business to, those people they know,
like and trust."

In this case, before they will buy into your idea, they must
first buy into you. It's only when they feel good about you;
when they feel as though they know you, they like you and they
trust you, that they will let down their defenses and make
themselves open to receiving your message; a message that
currently differs from their existing belief.

Do we accomplish that best through dogmatism and nastiness? Or
through tact, kindness, and a genuine feeling of good faith and
friendship? That's for each individual to decide; most of us would
probably agree with the latter.

No, some things should not be compromised, but we shouldn't
equate uncompromising on an idea or value with belligerence,
shouting, sarcasm, insults or any other negative behavior that
is more likely to keep someone "stuck in defending their position"
than in being willing to be open and change.



Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.....so for adults and youth- Violence can be curtailed.

OJP Observes National Crime Victims' Rights Week
In observance of National Crime Victims' Rights Week, April 22-28, 2007,
Regina B. Schofield, Assistant Attorney General, Office of Justice Programs, has issued the following message:

"As we observe the 27th Annual National Crime Victims' Rights Week, our hearts go out to the families of those killed and injured at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. We share their loss and their pain. Fortunately, we live in an America where love and sympathy extend beyond idle emotion, and take the form of kindness, support, and a comforting hand. We are working with law enforcement, victims' advocates, and others in the Blacksburg area and across the country to provide services to those affected by the tragedy at the university on April 16.

"Although we take just one week to bring the public's attention to crime victims, recent events are an unfortunate reminder that violent crime and its impact on individuals and communities is an important issue every day of the year.

"We will remember and honor the victims in Blacksburg and all those who have suffered losses because of violence when we gather in Washington, DC, for our National Observance and Candlelight Ceremony on April 19. Our guest speaker at the Candlelight Ceremony will be Mark Lunsford, whose young daughter Jessica was murdered in 2005, and who since has become a staunch advocate for protecting children. On April 20, we will present awards to recognize the courage, generosity, and compassion of crime victims and advocates around the nation. We also will be supporting events around the nation to recognize victims' rights.

"We all are saddened by the magnitude of the tragedy in Blacksburg and, yet, we remain hopeful that the programs we support will help make our communities safer and, when necessary, our efforts will bring comfort to the victims who need our assistance."

Tolman Youth art helps Bullying- 15000 youths warehoused ?

PROVIDENCE - Progress is a funny thing.
One day you turn around, and a phenomenon like "bullying," which was once regarded as a harmless behavior, has for good or ill ascended to the level of "hate crimes" and "sexual harassment."
And it's not just parent-activists taking up arms against this psychosocial menace, but students and student athletes.
Take Avery King, for example, a guard for Tolman High School's varsity basketball team and a student at the acclaimed Met School in Providence (because The Met doesn't participate in scholastic sports, students are allowed to play for their hometown schools).
Last week King helped kick off the Rhode Island Commission on Bias and Prejudice's new anti-bulling campaign, for which he designed a public service billboard near the intersection of Eddy and Rhodes streets, and now he is working with students from Providence College's Feinstein Institute for Public Service to recruit student volunteers for a new CBP-sponsored student committee.
According to Tim Sermak, King's advisor at the Met, the student committee will develop training material and presentations for students and teachers (how to identify or stop bullying, etc.).
"The first order of business is to recruit kids here at Met [for the committee], and it is possible that this could be part of our internship process," Sermak explained. "The idea is for this committee to create an anti-bullying training curriculum that can be used year in and year out. They're going to start here in Providence, but this could end up being a statewide thing."
King's work on the committee initiative and the billboard design was the culmination of an educational journey that began when attorneys from the law firm of Tillinghast Licht -- one of the oldest law firms in the country -- gave a pep talk to his after-school basketball team (Team Providence) at the request of coach Curtis Spence. Although King had no interest in being a lawyer, he immediately contacted Sandra Gandsman, Tillinghast Licht's director of client services, and requested an internship. King's ultimate goal is to become a professional basketball player, but failing that, he wouldn't mind being a sports agent, and agents need to know the law as well as they know the game.
King soon became the law firm's first Met School intern, and worked closely with partner Norman Orodenker, who also happens to be chairman of the CBP.
In an office full of legal material virtually inaccessible to the average high school sophomore, King had finally found something he could sink his teeth into: CBP's new anti-bullying campaign.
As part of his internship at Tillinghast Licht, King was required to attend CBP meetings with Orodenker and report back to his schoolmates. His first honest-to-goodness assignment was to design an anti-bullying billboard with the assistance of Mark Bode, a graphic artist for Lamar advertising.
The billboard, which credits the Met for the content of the message, has proven a valuable recruitment tool for student committee organizers (the billboard depicts three children laughing and pointing at a fourth and bears the message, "Stop Bullying, Take a Stand").
"My message [in the billboard design] was to let people know that bullying still exists in schools, that it has an effect on people and they need to recognize it," King explained. "I got in touch with Lamar and talked to Mark Bode and he said they could help me. I set up a meeting him to show him my sketch for the design, and he made a mini billboard based on the sketch."
Through his experience at Tillinghast Licht, King has had the opportunity to attend a campaign fundraiser for U.S. Sen. Barrack Obama and talk shop with Providence Mayor David Ciccilline and Dennis Coleman, a sports attorney for the prestigious Ropes and Gray law firm in Boston. Although he still wants to become a basketball star, King said the experience has given him a new perspective.
"I have to say, Avery exceeded everyone's expectations," Gandsman told The Times. "[On March 2, when the anti-bullying campaign was unveiled], he spoke about his work with poise and confidence and the very next day Tolman beat Classical in the playoffs. I think it was probably one of the best weekends of his life."
Sermak was equally impressed with King's progress.
"Until this point, Avery was like, 'yeah, my internship is at a law firm, isn't that cool,' but now I think he's starting to realize what this all means," he said. "Now he knows that if he puts his nose to the grindstone, he can make things happen. This was a real-world learning experience where a 15-year-old kid had an opportunity to see that his actions had an impact, not only on himself, but on others...
"I think he came in here completely focused on playing for the NBA, but now he realizes that it's important to have a good, well-rounded education to fall back on. Through this internship I've seen Avery's communication and writing skills and his maturity increase."







©The Pawtucket Times 2007

July 8, 2004 NYTimes
Report: Mentally Ill Youths 'Warehoused'
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Thousands of mentally ill youths are unnecessarily put in juvenile detention centers to await mental health treatment, a House committee reported Wednesday.

Centers usually are not equipped to treat mental illness, and in some cases the youths have not been charged with a crime, said the report by the Democratic staff of the House Government Reform Committee.

``The use of juvenile detention facilities to house youth waiting for community mental health services is widespread and a serious national problem,'' said the report, which found that two-thirds of juvenile detention facilities hold youths who are waiting for mental health treatment.

``This misuse of detention centers as holding areas for mental health treatment is unfair to youth, undermines their health, disrupts the function of detention centers and is costly to society.''

The report, which its authors said was the first national study of its kind, was prepared at the request of California Rep. Henry Waxman, the House Government Reform Committee's top Democrat, and Sen. Susan Collins, R-Maine, chairwoman of the Senate Governmental Affairs Committee.

``Thousands of youth who are in need of community mental health services are stuck in jail until these services become available,'' Waxman said in a statement. ``This is deplorable. Congress must ensure that our children have access to the mental health care that they need.''

Collins scheduled a hearing on the issue Wednesday where Waxman was testifying along with experts on mental health law, youth behavior and juvenile detention.

The report identified 698 juvenile detention facilities in the United States, defined as correctional facilities holding people age 21 and younger awaiting charges or trial or recently tried. Seventy-five percent of the facilities, or 524, responded to the survey, including facilities from every state but New Hampshire. The survey covered six months, Jan. 1, 2003, to June 30, 2003.

The report did not attempt to determine why so many youths who needed mental health treatment were being put in juvenile detention but said administrators blamed the lack of other treatment facilities.

One detention center administrator from Louisiana wrote, ``We appear to be warehousing youths with mental illnesses due to lack of mental health services.''

Among the report's findings:

--In 33 states, mentally ill youths were being held in detention centers with no charges against them.

--Over the six-month period of the study, nearly 15,000 youths spent time in juvenile detention while they waited for mental health help. Nearly 2,000 youths are in detention waiting for mental health services every night, representing about 7 percent of all juveniles being held.

--Youths who are waiting for mental health treatment stay in detention facilities longer than other detainees. They average 23.4 days in detention, compared with an average of 17.2 days for all detainees.

--One detention facility reported holding a 7-year-old child who was awaiting mental health treatment, while 117 facilities were holding children 10 years old and younger.

--Juvenile detention facilities spend about $100 million each year to house youths who are waiting for community health services.

Two quotes that are humor reminders

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."
"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."

Resources

Bullying Resources
Parent-Kids Tolerance
OJP Safer Schools
A Guide to Preventing Teen Dating Violence- Lindsey-Burke Act