Sam Clam and Ollie Oyster lived in the depths of the ocean. When they both died (from water pollution, by the way), Ollie went to heaven. But sinful Sam went to hell.

Ollie missed his friend. He asked St. Peter for a weekend pass to visit Sam.

''OK,'' Peter said, ''but to be safe, you have to take your wings, robe and harp with you. Don't forget to bring them back.''

Ollie agreed, and away he went. He spent the weekend partying in a nightclub that Sam had opened in Hell. On Sunday night he returned to the pearly gates. Peter was there.

''I see you have your wings and robe, but where's the harp?'' he asked.

Mortified, Ollie sang, ''I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!''

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It is customary for all the monks in an American monastery to sing the simple word, ''Morning!'' from their windows each sunrise.

Early one day after several, ''Morning!'' greetings have been sung melodiously into the dawn air, a single greeting of, ''Evening!'' rings out of one window.

In the courtyard below, Brother Timothy looks around startled, and says ''Did you hear that, Brother Edward?''

''Hear what, Brother Timothy?'' replied Brother Edward.

Brother Timothy sang in reply: ''Someone chanted evening...''

Ha, Ha,Thanks!

We needed a little lightening up here. Would like to hear some more. I can never remember one to tell.

A three legged dog...

Walks into a bar and the bartender asks ''What do you need?'' The dog says, ''I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw...''

$10 bet

A blond and a redhead are in this bar having a couple of drinks after work and they were watching the 5 O'Clock news.

The news was showing a guy who was threating to jump off of the roof of a 20 story building.

The redhead turns to the blond and says'' I'll bet you $10 the guy jumps'', and the blond says ''you're on''

A couple of minutes later,the guy jumps.

So the blond says to the redhead'' here's your $10''.

The redhead says '' I can't take your $10,I saw this on the 12 O'Clock news''.

The blond says

''So did I but,I didn't think he'd do it again''!