1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'!
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline ''Psychic Wins Lottery''?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ''practice''?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: ''Directions: Use like regular soap.'' (and that
would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: ''Serving suggestion: Defrost.'' (but, it's ''just'' a suggestion).
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:''Product will be hot after heating.'' (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: ''Do not iron clothes on body.'' (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Nytol Sleep Aid: ''Warning: May cause drowsiness.'' (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: ''For indoor or outdoor use only.'' (as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: ''Not to be used for the other use.'' (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: ''Warning: contains nuts.'' (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: ''Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts.'' (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: ''Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:''Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'' (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
We all need to smile every once in a while!
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'!
meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering
EVER WONDER
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline ''Psychic Wins Lottery''?
Why is it that doctors call what they do ''practice''?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hair dryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: ''Directions: Use like regular soap.'' (and that
would be how???....)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: ''Serving suggestion: Defrost.'' (but, it's ''just'' a suggestion).
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:''Product will be hot after heating.'' (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: ''Do not iron clothes on body.'' (but wouldn't this save me more time)?
On Nytol Sleep Aid: ''Warning: May cause drowsiness.'' (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: ''For indoor or outdoor use only.'' (as opposed to...what)?
On a Japanese food processor: ''Not to be used for the other use.'' (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: ''Warning: contains nuts.'' (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: ''Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts.'' (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: ''Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.'' (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw:''Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.'' (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
We all need to smile every once in a while!
