Man's Trip To Walmart
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn,
putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty.
Covered in grit or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts
with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair
of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to
run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you
might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth,
floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of
your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married
the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check
yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the
smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to
school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in
the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your
bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip
to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she
is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself
in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it.Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and
it says, ''I Got Worms''.
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your
shoes.The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope your underwear
covers the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions
ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the
register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you
needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is
you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old
lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing. Go inside, sit down in your recliner. Take a nap.
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house. Mowing the lawn,
putting a new fence in, painting the living room, or whatever. You are hot and sweaty.
Covered in grit or paint. You have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit, shorts
with the hole in crotch, old t-shirt with a stain from who knows what, and an old pair
of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to
run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete the job. Depending on your age you
might do the following.
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth,
floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of
your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while
standing in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes. You married
the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair. Check
yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the
smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to
school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in
the crotch of your shorts. Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your
bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip
to Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing. The spicy
young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she
is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt in your new sports car. Check yourself
in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look
fat. The cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you
still have it.Then you remember the hat you have on is from your buddy's bait shop and
it says, ''I Got Worms''.
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose off the dog crap off your
shoes.The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's. You hope your underwear
covers the hole in your pants. The girl running the register may be cute but you don't
have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have your prescriptions
ready too. Don't' even notice the dog crap on your shoes. The young thing at the
register smiles at you because you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you remember that you
needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander around trying to think what it is
you are looking for. Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name. The old
lady that greeted you at the front door went to school with you.
In your 90's:
Stop what you are doing. Go inside, sit down in your recliner. Take a nap.
