Sometimes you just feel compelled to pass along information that is
important...
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was by blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said,
''Thyroid problem?''
5. A sign in a Chinese pet store: ''Buy one dog, get one flea.''
6. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
7. I received a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a
screamer or a
moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the ''terminal''?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely
no trade-in
value.
11. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
tomatoes, make
Bloody Marys.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
13. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
14. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of
consecutive days
I've stayed alive.
16. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend
my plan to
attain world peace, and he told me I have ''Schiffer Brains''.
17. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
18. Marriage changes passion.. suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
19. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
20. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise
words: ''Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!''.
important...
1. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and Shithead's
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was by blood alcohol
content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. I saw a rather large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on
it. I said,
''Thyroid problem?''
5. A sign in a Chinese pet store: ''Buy one dog, get one flea.''
6. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live
with.
7. I received a sweater for Christmas, but I really wanted a
screamer or a
moaner.
8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the ''terminal''?
9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them
get elected.
10. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely
no trade-in
value.
11. If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
tomatoes, make
Bloody Marys.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special
person you
want to annoy for the rest of your life.
13. Shopping tip: You can get shoes for a buck at bowling alleys.
14. I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, and therefore I am perfect.
15. Everyday I beat my own previous record for the number of
consecutive days
I've stayed alive.
16. That Claudia Schiffer must be a genius because I told a friend
my plan to
attain world peace, and he told me I have ''Schiffer Brains''.
17. How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door
you're on.
18. Marriage changes passion.. suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
19. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see
naked?
20. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise
words: ''Don't
pick that up, you don't know where it's been!''.
