A father is asked by his friend, ''Has your son decided what he wants to
be when he grows up?''
''Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,'' replied the boy's father.
His friend thought for a moment and responded, ''That's a rather strange
ambition to have for a career.''
''Well,'' said the boy's father, ''he thinks that garbage
collectors only work on Tuesdays!''
***********************************************************************
A young boy refused to do his homework, and his father was trying to convince
him to do it.
He said to his son: ''When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.
''The son replied: ''Well, when Lincoln was your age, he was President!''
***********************************************************************
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, ''I have a complaint!'' .
''Yes, Ma'am?'' ''I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!''
''What was wrong with it?''
''It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!''
The librarian nodded and said,
''Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.''
***********************************************************************
One day a librarian sees a chicken walk up to her desk and cluck, ''book-book-book- BOOOOOK.''
She follows the chicken while it pecks at six books and pulls out a library card.
The next week the whole sequence happens again, and the curious librarian follows the chicken to see where it's going with all these books.
She follows it to a pond, where the chicken gives the books to a frog, who glances at the titles and throws them aside, saying ''readdit! readdit! readdit!
***********************************************************************
''Patron: ''I am looking for a globe of the earth.''
Librarian: ''We have a table-top model over here.''
Patron: ''No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?''
Librarian: (pause) ''Yes, but it's in use right now.''
***********************************************************************
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, ''The other librarian we had knew how to write.''
***********************************************************************
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, ''I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.''
''I think librarians are the easiest,'' said the second surgeon. ''When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.
'' The third surgeon said, ''I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded.
'' The fourth one said, ''I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable.''
***********************************************************************
A blonde walked into a library and said,
''Can I have a burger and fries?''
The librarian said, ''Sorry, this is a library.''
So the blonde whispered, ''Can I have a burger and fries?''
be when he grows up?''
''Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector,'' replied the boy's father.
His friend thought for a moment and responded, ''That's a rather strange
ambition to have for a career.''
''Well,'' said the boy's father, ''he thinks that garbage
collectors only work on Tuesdays!''
***********************************************************************
A young boy refused to do his homework, and his father was trying to convince
him to do it.
He said to his son: ''When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.
''The son replied: ''Well, when Lincoln was your age, he was President!''
***********************************************************************
A blonde stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, ''I have a complaint!'' .
''Yes, Ma'am?'' ''I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!''
''What was wrong with it?''
''It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!''
The librarian nodded and said,
''Ahh. So you must be the person who took our phone book.''
***********************************************************************
One day a librarian sees a chicken walk up to her desk and cluck, ''book-book-book- BOOOOOK.''
She follows the chicken while it pecks at six books and pulls out a library card.
The next week the whole sequence happens again, and the curious librarian follows the chicken to see where it's going with all these books.
She follows it to a pond, where the chicken gives the books to a frog, who glances at the titles and throws them aside, saying ''readdit! readdit! readdit!
***********************************************************************
''Patron: ''I am looking for a globe of the earth.''
Librarian: ''We have a table-top model over here.''
Patron: ''No, that's not good enough. Don't you have a life-size?''
Librarian: (pause) ''Yes, but it's in use right now.''
***********************************************************************
The new school librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a 'Contract' for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a third grader who looked surprised to see a new librarian. He brought three books to the desk and shoved them across to the librarian, giving her his name as he did so.
The librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the librarian could even start her speech, he said scornfully, ''The other librarian we had knew how to write.''
***********************************************************************
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work.
The first one said, ''I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside is numbered.''
''I think librarians are the easiest,'' said the second surgeon. ''When you open them up all their organs are alphabetically ordered.
'' The third surgeon said, ''I prefer to operate on electricians. All their organs are color coded.
'' The fourth one said, ''I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangeable.''
***********************************************************************
A blonde walked into a library and said,
''Can I have a burger and fries?''
The librarian said, ''Sorry, this is a library.''
So the blonde whispered, ''Can I have a burger and fries?''
