In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth. And the Earth
was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, ''It doesn't get any better than this.''
And God said, ''Let there be light,'' and there was light.
Then God said, ''Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding
seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit,'' and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, ''There goes the neighborhood.''
And God said, ''Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air
and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing
that crept upon the Earth.''
So God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And
God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, ''I know how I can get back in this game.''
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, ''Try my crispy fresh salad, full of vitamins and
minerals.''
And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, ''I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them.''
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained 10 pounds. And his bad cholesterol went through
the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained
another 20 pounds.
And God said, ''You're running up the score, Devil.'' So then God
brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fat fried them. And yea he did create rich and
fattening sour cream dip. Man clutched his remote control and ate the
potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow vegetables and fruits of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And verily, McDonald's brought forth the
$.99 double cheeseburger and the 20 piece McNuggets Family Meal. And
Satan said to Man, ''You want fries with that?'' And Man said,
''Supersize them.'' And Man gained 5 pounds.
And Satan saw and said, ''It is good.'' And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs
was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.
And Satan said, ''It doesn't get any better than this.''
And God said, ''Let there be light,'' and there was light.
Then God said, ''Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding
seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit,'' and God saw that it was good.
And Satan said, ''There goes the neighborhood.''
And God said, ''Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and
let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air
and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping thing
that crept upon the Earth.''
So God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And
God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.
And Satan said, ''I know how I can get back in this game.''
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure
that man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And God said, ''Try my crispy fresh salad, full of vitamins and
minerals.''
And Satan brought forth Ben & Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God said, ''I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them.''
And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own
platter. And Man gained 10 pounds. And his bad cholesterol went through
the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.
And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2. And Man gained
another 20 pounds.
And God said, ''You're running up the score, Devil.'' So then God
brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with
nutrition.
And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center
into chips and deep-fat fried them. And yea he did create rich and
fattening sour cream dip. Man clutched his remote control and ate the
potato chips swaddled in cholesterol.
And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach,
green and yellow vegetables and fruits of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.
And Satan created McDonald's. And verily, McDonald's brought forth the
$.99 double cheeseburger and the 20 piece McNuggets Family Meal. And
Satan said to Man, ''You want fries with that?'' And Man said,
''Supersize them.'' And Man gained 5 pounds.
And Satan saw and said, ''It is good.'' And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And Satan created HMOs
