Muscatine

ROF-

KMFAO. Great. Never saw that one either.LOL.

ABC'S

ABC's of ex girlfriends
A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.

B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!

C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.

D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?

E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said ''I'm not hungry'' so you figured you could take her to a nice place because you were able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything). So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks and she wonders why you were unable to call her that week and go see movies.

F
is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As if you can even stand to look at her.

G
is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.

H
is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.

I
stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will, unless she calls me and offers me favors.

J
stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't Jim have a nice car ? Doesn't Jim have a good job? Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.

K
stands for Kill.

L
is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists between two people and is shared upon by both parties.

L
is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are the last people that actually believe in love.

M
stands for Mephistophiles. That is who she worked for.

N
stands for Necropheliac. She didn't move very much, did she?

O
is for On top. When on top she has another O word.

P
is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is now sueing you for a few hundred bucks a month.

Q
is for Quitter. She couldn't last.

R
is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid for it.

S
stands for Suffer. That's what she made me do.

T
is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.

U
is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bitch is an understatement.

V
is for Voluptuous. That is the primamry reason you were dating her in the first place.

W
stands for Whine. She was a pro at this.

X
is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.

Y
stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled that at you.

Z
stands for ZIPPER. This is what you got your hair stuck in while trying to get dressed too quickly while she yelled ''QUICK! They're home!''

.
stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late, because she lied to you about taking what P stands for. It also means you won't get any for a week.

Not U frazz-



TOP 17 FATAL THINGS TO SAY IF YOUR WIFE IS PREGNANT
17. ''I finished the Oreos.''

16. ''Not to imply anything, but I don't think the kid weighs forty pounds.''

15. ''Y'know, looking at her, you'd never guess that Pamela Lee had a baby..!!''

14. ''I sure hope your thighs aren't gonna stay that flabby forever!''

13. ''Well, couldn't they induce labor ? The 25th is the Super Bowl.''

12. ''Darned if you ain't about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.''

11. ''Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that's gotta hurt.''

10. ''Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Willard Scott!''

9. ''I'm jealous! Why can't men experience the joy of childbirth?''

8. ''Are your ankles supposed to look like that?''

7. ''Get your *own* ice cream.''

6. ''Geez, you're awfully puffy looking today.''

5. ''Got milk ?''

4. ''Maybe we should name the baby after my secretary, Tawney.''

3. ''Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!''

2. ''Retaining water ? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.''

And the Number 1 Fatal Thing To Say If Your Wife Is Pregnant...

1. ''You don't have the guts to pull the trigger.........''

Ruggy

Not bad because I figured you would have your head served to you on a silver platter by now.
Don't go out on the streets today because you have used up all of your luck.
Hey have a great one.