Muscatine

Men vs Women at ATM

Posted in: Muscatine
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  • opinionated
  • Respected Neighbor
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MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.



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FEMALE PROCEDURES:

1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required
amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents
onto passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will
call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access
to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary
with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate
wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.
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  • ruggy
  • Banned
  • Muscatine, IA
  • 267 Posts
How to treet wimins

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say ''could be better'' this will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words ''fuck you'' and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as ''some chick''. Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... Then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say ''if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye.'' The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there shell have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

19. If shes mad at you for not calling her when you say you will promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now shell be really excited. Now don't call.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

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  • ruggy
  • Banned
  • Muscatine, IA
  • 267 Posts
Uh-oh

Bad word on #7. This won't last long. Oh well, some of 'em are not very funny. Shoulda read it better before posting it. SORREE.
  • Stock
  • ruggy
  • Banned
  • Muscatine, IA
  • 267 Posts
SUSAN, HELP.

We need change here. Sheese. I'm starting to sound like a Davis now. I bet my post will be gone by noon. Wanna bet?
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