Muscatine

After a long night of s*x, the guy rolled over, got a cig and searched for his lighter.
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one,
"There might be some matches in the top drawer", she replied.
He opened the drawer and found a box of matches sitting on top of a pic of a man
*He began to worry*
"This your husband?" he asked,
"No silly," she replied,
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked,
"No not at all", she said nibbling away at his ear,
"Well who is he then?"
Calmly the girl replied "That's me before the operation..."

A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
DAD: Son, where were you today during school hours?
SON: At school
*Robot slaps Son*
SON: OK,I went to the movies.
DAD: Which one?
SON: Toy Story
*Robot slaps son again*
SON: OK, it was Day with a Porn Star.
DAD: WHAT? When I was your age I didn't even know what porn was!
*Robot slaps Dad*
MOM: HAHA! After all he's your son.
*Robot slaps mom*

LMAO. That's better than youtubes.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and
was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has your picture on It.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it
And handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
"OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop...