Muscatine

President Obama will give his annual State of the Union address Tuesday evening on Capitol Hill. With unemployment at 7.9 percent and the economy now CONTRACTING, one wonders what he might say.

Well, wonder no more. White House Dossier has managed to obtain a draft copy of the speech. I think you will agree Obama is going to say some surprising things.

Here are the top ten lines from the remarks.

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1. I beg you pardon. I never promised you a rose garden.

2. The state of our union is strong, but not, like, real strong.

3. Once people start paying more taxes, the economy should begin to pick up.

4. We are still doing much better than Cameroon!

5. Sure, I can walk on water, but that doesn’t mean I know anything about economics.

6. Like you could do better. Back seat drivers.

7. I’d like to take this opportunity to give a shout out to Beyonce and Jay-Z. What’s up you guyz!?

8. Michelle wants you to know that if you’re unemployed, it at least gives you more time to make better food choices.

9. By spending more money on education, worker training and solar panels, we should be able to reduce the deficit.

10. Man, I never should have taken advice on the economy from Kobe.