Muscatine

JAY LENO: Well, folks, the mystery is over. The winner has been revealed. After a month of waiting, it turns out an 84-year-old woman in Florida has won the $590 million Powerball lottery. $590 million, 84 years old. I bet her kids regret putting grandma in the nursing home now. Huh? Yeah, no. 'We love you grandma! we were just coming to see you next weekend. We didn't know!'

It's already gone to her head. She already had big rims put on her Rascal scooter, you know. She's got the -- she's going all out. Now, as for how much tax she's going to have to pay on that $590 million, the IRS said it's too soon to tell 'cause they don't know whether she's a a Republican or a Democrat. So it's going to be a while -- it's going to take a while to figure that out. Yeah. (The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, June 5, 2013)

Latest from Jay Leno:

"We wanted a president that listens to all Americans - now we have one. "

JAY LENO: Well, according to a Gallup poll out today, President Obama’s  approval rating has dropped to 45 percent. Only 45 percent of Americans now  approve of the job he's doing. Luckily for Obama, he has impeachment insurance.  It's called Joe Biden. That’s right. It’s called Joe Biden. Luckily.

Well, let's see, what else? They have now begun jury selection in the  upcoming Whitey Bulger trial. Whitey Bulger. Doesn't that sound like Anthony  Weiner’s secret service code name? Here we got Whitey Bulger coming in.

Anthony Weiner who is, you know he's running for mayor of New York? He told  the New York Times that he's the one that coined the term ObamaCare. See I would  have thought he coined the term stimulus package. That seems more like him. I’m  surprised that it’s ObamaCare.

Hey listen to this. Big story. The Senate is getting closer and closer to  passing a sweeping immigration bill. In fact, given how wide sweeping this  immigration bill is, if it passes you'll press one for Spanish and two for  English.

Read more:  http://newsbusters.org/blogs/noel-sheppard/2013/06/14/leno-if-immigration-bill-passes-you-ll-press-one-spanish-and-two-engl#ixzz2WI7zuCdq