Copyright (c) 2009. Derek Clontz/Your World Report. All rights reserved.
Contrary to what you might think, the “average American” adult isn’t a married church-goer with a dog, a cat, 2.5 kids and a home in the suburbs. Instead, if you choose to believe a blistering new White House study, he or she is a:
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Barack Obama commissioned the "average American" study.
o Bed-hopping sex nut who does the wild thing 4.2 times a week with three different partners who may or may not include a spouse.
o Big drinker who knocks back 12 icy beers, a bottle of wine or eight stiff cocktails every day of his or her life.
o Thief who pilfers something from a friend, family member, store or the office two times a week.
o Liar who stretches truth to the breaking point 14 times a day.
o Office slave who earns just $22,000 a year.
o Debt slave who’s salted away just $100 in savings while running up his or her credit card balances to $23,000. Additional debt includes an auto loan of $242,000, a mortgage of $167,000, and a second mortgage of $100,000. The grand total? A whopping $290,000.
o Victim of at least two sexually transmitted diseases such as herpes, hepatitis C or the virus that causes genital warts.
o Pitiful daydreamer who thinks an SUV in the driveway and closet full of unused sports equipment puts him or her in league with the sports stars and adventurers they watch on TV.
o Sofa spud who blows six hours per day in front of the boob tube on weekdays, 10 hours on weekends.
o Tubbo who is 37 pounds overweight – and gaining.
o “Fair weather” Christian or Muslim who claims to be a true believer but seldom goes to church or a mosque, never reads the Bible or Koran and only prays when he or she desperately wants something, such as money to pay a utility bill or a roll in the hay with that gal or guy sitting at the end of the bar.
o Divorcee who sees his or her children just twice a year, and who’s also had two live-in failed love affairs without benefit of marriage.
o Jailbird who’s been charged with 2.5 crimes.
o Complacent, self-satisfied clod who’s read just one book in the past 10 years.
o Politically inept “know nothing” who forms strong but short-lived and confused opinions while listening to talk radio in the car.
And that’s just the tip of an iceberg of unsavory behaviors that are “the new American way,” the study conducted for President Barack Obama by the National Foundation for a New America, a left-leaning think tank, reveals.
“It’s not a pretty picture,” conclude the authors of the study, “but the numbers don’t lie. The average American isn’t what he used to be – middle class, upwardly mobile, and deeply religious.
“In the new millennium, Joe Blow and Jane Doe are Jerry Springer rejects, not stupid and ridiculous enough to make the show – but close.”
WHICH ONE ARE YOU!!!!!!
