I called 311 this evening to complain about and report a crashed car at 723 W. Craig Pl. It has been there, all crashed up and red for about 3 months and I am tired of looking at it so I called 311 to make a complaint-report.

When the lady from the City answered, I complained and reported that the ugly and red crashed car was there she told me that they already new about it, Somebody else decided that they had tp complain and report about that crashed ugly red car too, I guess.

But then the lady from the City told me that Officer Benavides got the other person's complaint-report on July 16th and here it is July 30th and the ugly crashed red car is still there, all crashed, red and ugly. Right in the front yard, too.

So I asked if Code Compliance Officer Benavides had been there to warn them for their 1st 10 day warning period and the lady from the City said ''No''. And so I asked if Officer Benavides had been out there to give the crashed and ugly red car in the front yard people their 2nd 10 day warning period and she said No again.

Then she (the lady from the City) said that Officer Benavides had until August 16th to go out to the ugly crashed red car in the front yard people before he had to give them their 1st 10 day warning period, even though someone else called 311 on July 16th and there are 31 days in between July 16th and August 6th. So I would like to know what Officer Benavides is doing for the 31 days in between the time someone else calls to make a Code Compliance report and complaint and the day he finally has to show up to the crashed ugly red car people and warn them that they have 10 days before he will come back again and give them another 10 day warning period.

By Your Average Neighbor

Our Patron Saint

That person is very ignorant. We don't have an ugly car in our front yard. That car was beautiful before Mi Papi had too much partying and forgot to stop before the telephone pole hit him. That car is beautiful before the telephone pole and we are making it into a shrine to St.Patrick, the patron saint of people who have to much party before telephone poles hit their beautiful cars.

And also, there are only 21 days in between July 16th and August 6th, before Officer Benavides (who is my 2nd cousin on Mama's side) has to come out and give us our 1st 10 day warning period.

By The Red Car People

Eegads!

Ee-gads! That's what we nice professionals say in Public when we see situations that are remarkable and possibly unacceptable.

THAT was my reaction when I drove through your, er- ''quaint'' little Neighborhood the other day, while on my way to lobby your City Councilman for his support to continue to keep me living in the lifestyle in which I have become accustomed to.

As as was telling Muffy the other day (my troph-, I mean my wife), how difficult to get good customer service from the City.

Despite all the money we gave to your City Councilman and his Associates, we still couldn't get the service we deserve, and those grubby indigenous people managed to thwart our endeavor.

Ee-gads, but that is unacceptable.

And so it is good to know that the ''commoners'' suffer as we suffer, what with the dramatic reduction in City Services. It gives one pause to consider moving to Shertz, or perhaps even the Dominion.

And to describe that wrecked-out hulk of a car as a ''shrine'' to the Irish Saint Drunkard.

Eegads, Muffy! We've got to get out of here !!!

By Your Above-Average Neighbor

Huh?

I sawed that car he was talking about, and it was all tore up, jus like he said. And it's still there, too. Just like he said.

The phunny thing about accountibility is that it is set on a variable scale. We have the right to expect paid employees like Officer Benavides, Kara Norman and other UU Government Housing employees to perform at a certain level of perfomance.

We don't have the right to expect volunteers to do that much, instead we have to thank them after they do something. Even if we didn't want it.

But what happens when the volunteers get to give money to their friends? Are they still volunteers?

Or do they work for the UU MidTown Housing Government, like their paid friends?

By Your Below Average Neighbor