Muscatine

Wife filled divorce. Didn't see it coming. No fight, nothing. She say's she wants more than I can give after 15yrs. I've been accused of being a good wife (doing laundry, dishes, etc.) I truly love my wife and I want my wife back. Has anyone been thru this and how long if ever will it take to let her go in my heart?

wow bro

Sorry to hear that. And I hate to say, but if you didn't see it coming, well, then it's probably too late.
To me, if you have to ask how long it will take to get her outta your heart, then maybe you weren't too into the relationship.
BUT, if you really love her, then dress like a turkey and show up on her doorstep with a dozen roses and her favorite thing.
Good luck bro. Let love rule.

nascar1

I AM sorry to hear that. I don't know what your wife wants (what ''more than you can give'' means). I often think people in long-term marriages (and yea, 15 years is a long time! get bored, or think they've missed something?...That there is something better out there. Maybe there is, I don't know, but when you dedicate that many years, you have to believe there's SOMETHING good there.

There are probably lots of things in many marriages that people don't get...that they don't think their partner is capable of giving. I guess I look at it this way...Is what you're missing worth giving up what you have? Does the good outweigh the bad?

I just had this conversation with somebody the other night, that spending your entire life with somebody is really hard! Anyone who has been married a while will tell you they love their spouse. At some point though, love and romance give way to a mutual respect, a deep ''like'' and a whole lot of comfort. Is that good enough? It is for a lot of folks, including me.

I'm not a marriage counselor, but it might be time to sit and talk with your wife about exactly what she wants that she's not getting from you, and do either of you see those needs being met...it sounds like you would do anything, and it might just be time to sit down and have a real heart-to-heart with her. Sometimes we don't take the time to do that often enough.

Finally, is there another man in the picture? I only ask, because if she's unhappy, and wants to leave, that's one thing, but to jump from a 15 year marriage directly into another relationship is kind of scary. If there is another man, the attraction is still new, and after a while, they'll end up at the same place she is with you now.

Anyway, I wish you well, and while I don't know you or your wife, nor any of the issues, it's hard to think about losing somebody you truly love.

Good luck.

Lil

Some thoughts

I'm so sorry and I'm certainly no marriage counselor, but since I'm a woman, maybe I can give you at least a few ideas that could help.

If you've been together 15 years, chances are your wife is approaching 40 or maybe in her 40's and is starting to question her life and what she's made of it. She's maybe questioning her appeal to you.

And if you're like most men, you may be the world's best husband and help around the house, but do you verbalize your feelings for her? Most men aren't programmed to do that. They assume their wife knows how they feel because they know how they feel. 'Tain't necessarily so.

If you married very young, she might be wondering who or what she's missed and wants to find out.

If possible, take her out and try to rekindle the romance and excitement you had when you first met. Talk to her...ask what her dreams are. Try to recreate what you had in the beginning. Chances are it's still there in both of you, but buried under everyday life.

My guess is that if there isn't somebody else, she just wants back what you had in the beginning and maybe she doesn't know how to get it back.

I firmly believe men are genetically programmed to be undemonstrative and to not see what's in front of them. I'm NOT criticizing or belittling you because you most likely don't realize it, but try to see things from her point of view. You do dishes and laundry, but she wants communication and romance.

I'm sure I've babbled and rambled and maybe not even made much sense, but I sincerely hope you can get back together. I wish you all the best.