Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters and
gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the Winter and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in Summer.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q
at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as ''the Conservative movement.''
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of
the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept
of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note about liberals: most
of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
''fair'' to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally
anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to ''govern'' the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe, while Conservatives, were coming to
America.
The liberals waited and crept in after the Wild West was tame
and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the Winter and
would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in Summer.
The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention
of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get
man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct
subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the
beginning of agriculture.
Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to
be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages
were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q
at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what
is known as ''the Conservative movement.''
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to
live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and
doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of
the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into
women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'
Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication
of cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept
of democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the
largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are
symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most
prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like
their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.
Another interesting revolutionary side note about liberals: most
of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most
social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in
Hollywood and group therapists are liberals.
Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
''fair'' to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still
provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo
cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors,
police officers, corporate executives, Marines, athletes and generally
anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire
other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to ''govern'' the
producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe
Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe, while Conservatives, were coming to
America.
The liberals waited and crept in after the Wild West was tame
and created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history:
