SOCIALISM
You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have two cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The Government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother in law who works at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer you get all four cows back with a tax credit for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Caymen Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to seven cows back to the company. The Annual Report says the company owns eight cows with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
The public then buys your bull.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, block the roads because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-design them so that they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market it world wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for one hundred years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows given to you by the EU.
You complain that you should have more cows and that Germany owes you cows because of the war. You start a riot.
You get thousands more free cows from the EU.
You complain that you shouldn’t have to milk all these cows and start a riot.
The EU then sends Albanians to milk the cows. You complain that the Albanians are taking all the jobs and start a riot. The Government says you don’t have to work anyway as you can get a pension. The Government then borrows more cows from the EU to ensure the Greek people are happy. No one pays taxes on the cows – why should you. They weren’t yours in the first place and taxes are for other people, not the land where democracy was born.
The cows have to be given back.
You go and sit in a tavern by the sea to enjoy a night out – you don’t really care that much. Life is for today.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn that you have five cows.
You count them again and learn that you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn that you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You employ 300 people to milk them.
You claim to have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the reporter who reports reality.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your country.
They find no cows but at least you have now been introduced to democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good so you close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.



